Lacuna

It’s raining heavily.  I am in my bed, buried in my blanket with fever.  I can only think of the day 8 months back when i was sick and you got me chocolates to make me feel better.  It was raining heavily that day too.  It almost feels the same except you are not here anymore.  It’s raining slow now.  I am in my bed, buried in my blanket with all the feelings i have for you.  I can only think of how much i miss you and the evening of April 27th.  It was raining slowly that day too.  When we we had our first kiss under a shade to protect ourselves from the rain.  It almost feels the same except I won’t ever kiss your lips again. 

When was the particular moment when you lost all interest in me? You said you loved me and within a few days you did not want to be with me anymore. It was all so easy for you. Making me love you, not accepting me, choosing someone else over me. Did you ever think about the aftermath of your confusion? Did you ever think how your decision would affect me? I can never not love you but your actions make me despise you. Being cruel is a thing, you are inhumane.

It’s been a while since everything. My heart doesn’t ache when i hear your name. It’s all different now. I don’t miss you anymore. I don’t want you anymore ; it’s all in the past. I have realised there was never a US and that you were never mine. It took about a few months and two mistakes to finally realise that you do not care. It’s all different now. It doesn’t matter if you miss me or not. But this is my life when i am awake. How do I control my mind and my dreams? They show me you; make me feel your warmth. It’s a difficult battle between reality and dream. Everyday i go to sleep being in love with you and wake up being over you. It’s strange , but it’s all different now. My dreams and life are two parallel worlds. They do not meet. It’s a good thing that they don’t. I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want you anymore. It’s all different now. But sometimes I wonder when you sleep are you ever dreaming of me?

Why did you go away? Why did you go so far away? Though out of sight, not out of mind. Distance by land, i could have overcome. Distance in heart, i could not ever.

To the new guy,  The previous guy i dated was so kind to me at the beginning and then he changed drastically.  I agree to the saying ‘People change with time’ ; ‘Time changes people’.  I have gone through his changes and survived well, but I don’t think i have the strength to go through the same thing again.  You feel different than everyone else that left.  There is a different kind of certainty that you won’t go.  I have enough faith and trust in you but my insecurities are still there.  If what we have is meaningless to you then I request you to not continue this any further.  Be clear with me and just say it’s meaningless than to waste my time and break me like everyone else.  I do not ask for a forever.  I only ask for something that does not make me regret my decision of choosing you.  You are sweeter than honey and warmer than the rays of sun.  I hope you remain that way and do not change....

He wrote her a song, but it never got finished. They both fell in love, but it was soon diminished. She sits on his bed and cries in his lap. He cries back at her, knowing they can't go back. Hours go by and neither one can accept. That by letting go they are doing what's best. At the end of the day, comes the part which he fears. To let her go without shedding a tear. Never again will he kiss her goodbye. And just that thought makes him start to cry. Now he'll finish that song, and he'll write it today. This is the start and here's what it says. "You are my siren, you drew me in, With a voice like an angel and the softest skin. Your eyes shine like diamonds and your smile melts my heart. I know that nothing could tear us apart.” That's what he wrote and let me just say. That he'd never do anything to throw that away. But that's not how it works; this world's bitter and harsh. And then something happened, which drew them...